


Indecent Exposure

by nervouscupcakeinspace



Series: Sex Bloopers [8]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 20:17:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19952218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nervouscupcakeinspace/pseuds/nervouscupcakeinspace
Summary: Moira asks Stevie to copy an old video from VHS to DVD. David and Alexis are thereto help.





	Indecent Exposure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whetherwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whetherwoman/gifts).



> All my love and thanks to my two wonderful betas: [Codswallop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/codswallop/pseuds/codswallop) (for all the enthusiasm and endless support and for making this happen) and [Turtlenovas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurtleNovas/pseuds/TurtleNovas) (for this title, for always being present and for being in my life at all).  
>  Thanks to [Whetherwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whetherwoman) for this prompt. I hope what I wrote will entertain you.  
>  And finally, to the wonderful people at the Rosebudd Motel: thank you all for making me feel like I belong! <3

“What’s going on here?”

Both Stevie and Alexis looked up at his question, but soon enough returned to whatever they were doing. Stevie was sitting in front of the computer, and Alexis was standing on the opposite side of the desk, eyes on her phone. Right in front of his sister was the oldest tv David had ever seen, and a bunch of cables were on the desk, connecting the video recorder to the computer.

“Copying one of your mom’s old video tapes onto a dvd,” answered Stevie, while clicking something on the computer. 

“Why?” asked David, and then looked at Alexis, who was now visibly texting. “And what are _you_ doing?”

“Ugh, I’m _helping_ , David!” she snapped, looking away from her phone only long enough to glare at him. “Stevie didn’t even need to ask. I offered,” she added proudly.

David looked at Stevie, who shrugged and replied, “I did ask.”

“Okay, but it doesn’t count because I was already thinking of helping you,” said Alexis, “You looked so lost, you poor thing!” 

David walked to Alexis to peek at the tv screen. It was black. “Well, it looks like you're making major progress.”

“Shut _up_ , David!” growled Alexis. Really, she made it so easy. 

“We’re actually ready to start now,” said Stevie, clicking something on the computer. “Alexis, can you press start?”

Alexis did, and just as the video started playing, her phone vibrated and David automatically glanced down as she opened the message she’d just received. David blinked. That was definitely a dick pic. 

“Oh my God! Are you _sexting_ right now?!”

Stevie’s head snapped towards them, trying to look at Alexis’ phone, just as his sister was hiding it against her chest. 

“Ew, David! Don’t look at my phone!”

“It’s not like I was _trying_ to! And isn’t Ted supposed to be working right now? Isn’t that animal abuse or something?” 

“Of course not, David, don’t be mean,” replied Alexis, “And like _you_ can talk! At least Ted never had a sex related injury at work!”

“Oh my God!” David exclaimed. She really went there.

“Uh, guys?” Stevie tried to get their attention.

“I told you that in confidence,” David snapped at Alexis. “I was at the hospital, alone and worried sick -”

“You weren’t alone, you were with Patrick!”

“Patrick was the reason we were there! He was hurt and I was carrying all the emotional pain!”

“Guys…” Stevie tried again.

“Oh my God, David! It was just a sprained ankle!”

“It was not _just_ anything, okay! Don’t even joke about that! He was in _major_ pain, and -”

“ _Guys_!” snapped Stevie, and finally both David and Alexis turned to her with matching frustrated frowns on their faces.

“What!” they exclaimed in unison.

Stevie pointed to the tv screen, where younger versions of Johnny and Moira were slowly undressing each other. And kissing. And - 

“Oh my God.” David turned his back to the TV so fast he inadvertently knocked Alexis’ phone out of her hands. It fell with its screen facing David, the dick pic still open. David shut his eyes. “Oh my God. Oh God!”

“Ew! Ew, ew, ew! Turn it off, Stevie! Turn it off!”

“I’m on it!”

David heard her sprint away from her chair, and then some shuffling, and then, “All done!”

He turned and peeked between his fingers. Alexis was tugging on her earrings, like she always did when she was in distress. Stevie was in front of them in a tank top. Stevie’s flannel was lying on top of the tv screen.

“You… didn’t turn the video off,” David couldn’t help but notice, and, oh, how much he wished he could help it. “I… I can hear the sounds.”

“Ew! Please make it stop!”

Stevie looked a little pale but resolute. “Mrs. Rose was so excited to have this copy -”

“Oh, I bet she was,” murmured David.

“- and I can’t stop now. She needs this.”

“Are you serious?!”

She did look serious. 

“Ok, fine! But I won’t stay here a minute longer! This is clearly my personal Hell! Someone is trying to punish me for something, and I won’t just let them do it!” ranted David as he walked right out of the front door.

*

“We won’t have sex tonight! We may never have sex again!”

Both Patrick and the random old lady he was currently serving looked up at David’s dramatic entrance.

“Here’s your change, Mrs. Wright. Thank you for your purchase, have a good day, and I’m really sorry,” said Patrick, turning to the client.

David rolled his eyes because, really, but he still held the door open for the so-called Mrs. Wright as she exited hurriedly. At least someone seemed to grasp that this was an emergency.

As he closed the door, a pair of hands slid around his waist and a kiss fell to his neck. David could already feel himself relaxing in Patrick’s embrace.

“You were saying?”

Oh, right. David shrugged off the hug and started pacing back and forth. “I just had the most horrifying experience you could ever imagine at the motel.”

“Mm. Did they go back to the generic soap brand?”

“Don’t even joke about that,” said David. Of course Patrick was already finding this funny. “But no, God, far worse. Far far worse.” He let that sink in for a moment. 

“Okay…”

“Let’s just say, for example, what if your parents made a sex tape? A while ago. And you… watched it,” David said, and heard Patrick muffling a sound. “Accidentally! And… just for a few seconds.” 

When David finally looked at Patrick, he was pressing a hand to his mouth, shaking with the effort to contain his laughter.

“Oh my God! This is serious!”

“I’m sorry!” tried Patrick, looking nothing of the sort. “It’s really… a terrible thing to happen... to a son.”

“It’s not even the first time it happened! At least I didn’t actually walk in on them this time!”

Patrick choked on his terrible apology. 

“Oh, and also I saw Ted’s dick!”

“You saw _what_?!”

Oh, so finally Patrick was taking this seriously. “He and Alexis where sexting, if you can believe it, while all of this was happening.”

“Oh, and, hm. Did what you see.. mmm… match your… _idea_ of what…” 

David could feel a strain in his neck with the force of that double take. “ _Excuse_ me? Are you actually asking me to _describe_ Ted’s dick to you?”

Patrick was grinning like a lunatic. “I mean… yes?”

David could feel a grin of his own starting in response. “I won’t do it! We won’t ever speak of this again! Not if you want us to have sex sometime in the future.”

Patrick moved closer and put his hands on David’s hips again. “Oh, so the sex is back on the table already?”

Well. How could David ever resist an amused, horny Patrick, really? Those were, like, his two main traits, it would be like rejecting Patrick himself. 

David could feel himself smiling, but he still made a show of rolling his eyes as he put his arms around Patrick’s neck. “I guess I could be persuaded…”

“Oh, could you?” asked Patrick, the smartass, and David kissed his smile away.


End file.
